Healing from a cesarian birth
As a doula one of the greatest responsibilities I feel that I have is to help a woman avoid an unnecessary cesarian section. Sometimes that is an easy thing to do. It is easier to turn down an elective cesarian than it is when a baby or mother is in danger. And there is a reason that cesarians were created.
I offer this excerpt from a book I am currently reading as I feel it puts into perspective the incredible gift mothers give while giving birth, whether vaginally or via cesarian section. I offer it as a type of healing to mothers surprised by their cesarian section birth. In support of all mothers:
” A mother deer flees from danger. She knows that if she tries to fight a lion she will lose. The only time she will fight that lion is if she perceives that her fawn is in danger. She will distract, fight, offer herself as sacrifice if necessary. Survival instinct of the species is so strong that she will do anything to protect her fawn or give it time to run from danger–anything to assure that it will live.
Our selflessness and survival instincts are equally strong. If we perceive that our child is in danger, we will do anything to protect her.
Millie said, “the pain was excruciating. I kept thinking that my baby must be suffering too.” We will permit ourselves to be cut open to save the life of our baby. What we applaud as courage and strength in our animal friends, we interpret as weakness in ourselves. In this context, cesarean mothers are not weak failures; they are courageous women who are willing to be cut apart for the lives of their infants! Perhaps it is time to congratulate yourself for your strength and courage. It is time to love
yourself for what you did. What you did was an act of love. Not one of you would have permitted a cesarean to be done if the doctor said, “a cesarean would be dangerous for your baby, Mrs. Jones.”
You needn’t punish yourself for acting in the very best interest of your baby, nor feel guilty for protecting your baby. We ask you to look at yourself with respect, just as you’d look at that mother deer. You did your best. You acted out of love. You don’t have to get down on yourself because you had a cesarean. You can forgive yourself; it isn’t a crime to protect one’s baby… You can also begin to forgive your body, your baby, and your mate, if necessary. They did the very best they could at the time too. ”
From the Silent Knife-1983